Ben is an NLP trainer and consultant specialising in communication skills in the workplace. He has trained thousands of people in conflict mediation, negotiation, sales techniques and managing people skills. He is also a regular conference speaker and workshop facilitator in a variety of sectors.

When I first started training I mainly did courses on legal matters of two and four day’s duration. The material to be covered was very complex and I was always concerned that people shouldn’t worry too much about trying to remember it all.

In order to set the course participants at their ease and put their minds in a relaxed and open state suitable for learning, I would begin the course by saying this;

“Okay, now everything that you need to know is contained in the handbook so there is no need to take notes, unless you want to. The problem with the material that we are about to cover is that it’s horribly complicated. Even judges have complained that they can’t keep abreast of it so what chance is there for us on a two day course?

You often find, when you leave the course at the end of the day that you can’t remember a thing, and that’s fine, you won’t remember it, there’s too much here. Most of you will also find, after the end of the course that you are confused and that’s fine too. Just relax and don’t try to remember it, forget about it. When you go back to work and start applying it, that’s when it will all become clear.

The Housing Law Encyclopedia is two feet thick and weighs twenty five pounds, who on earth can remember all of that? It’s not important to remember it. Nobody can remember all this stuff, what is more important is to know where to look things up”

I used to say this with the best intentions, but with what you now know about influential communication what effect do you think I was having on their mental state by setting things up this way?

I look back on those days with horror.

It would have been more beneficial for all concerned if I had said it this way;

“Okay, there is a wealth of really valuable material that we are about to cover during this course and to get the most out of it we will examine, in detail, every aspect and facet in whatever ways are necessary to get the information into your mind more easily and effectively.

The course and handbook have been designed in such a way as to maximise the ways in which you each, individually learn. This way you will find a smooth transition from a state of basic knowledge to one where you will become experts on this in the shortest possible time.

Please feel free to ask any questions that are relevant for you. This way you will consolidate the material much more easily and be able to make sense of it in ways that are unique and relevant to you. We will have frequent breaks to allow you time to absorb the points that we cover and will work methodically through the course modules with appropriate exercises throughout. When you return to work the knowledge that you have already gained from this course will form the basis of a more robust set of skills that you can use in real situations.”

Given these introductory speeches, which one of them would be most beneficial to you?

Neil Connolly

Neil is a qualified Neuro Linguistic Programming trainer and works primarily with “one to one” change work. He prefers to work in an informal setting as he believes change happens more naturally when relaxed. He dislikes the term “life coach” as he does not consider himself to know enough about life to coach it. His motto is "It doesn't matter what happens to you it is how you deal with it that counts".

The biggest impact influential communication has had on my life is the degree to which the way I listen has changed, not necessarily in the manner of how I listen but more in how well I hear the words that are being used.

The inherent influence and bias in the use of language stands out for me to a much greater degree than ever before.

For example whilst listening to the weather report last Christmas Eve it was stated that “There is a 15% chance of snow for Christmas day” .

On Christmas day the same channel weather report stated “There is a 15% risk of snow for Boxing day” - same message very different bias even though the overall meaning was the same.

This has also had a large bearing on how I use language both in my own internal dialogue and externally with others.

I find that I communicate even more effectively with my friends and family and have a lot of fun with writing reports and dealing with telephone and sales calls.

Most people in my experience aren’t aware of the bias that they are applying to the language that they use and the significance of this, after all I consider communication to be an expression of internal reality as opposed to a reflection of external reality.

If our communication is therefore an expression of our reality I believe it is possible to effect change in that reality through our use of language.

The easiest way for us to do that is to create possibilities for ourselves and other people. For myself I like to create possibilities that have a very positive bias and enjoy the idea of doing things naturally, simply and easily.

I hope that you continue to find new and exciting ways in which to improve your understanding and use of language to allow it to become an even greater expression of who you are.

Who needs Designer labels when you have your own Designer language?

Both Ben Reeve and Neil Connolly are Associate Trainers at Idevelop Training Ltd.